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What Does The Bible Say About Minions

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What Does The Bible Say About Minions

What Does The Bible Say About Minions

The Bible has a lot to say about Minions, their place in the world, and their role in our lives. God created us all equal, but some people are just better than others. And if you’re one of those people who believe that your superior capabilities are the result of having been given a special gift from God Himself, then you should be aware that there is no such thing as a “gift” when it comes to Minions. I know what you’re thinking: “But what about all those different kinds of Minions? They each have different abilities! How can they possibly be equal?” The answer is simple: they can’t be equal because not all Minions are created equal (just ask any Minionologist). In fact, there are only five kinds of Minions in this world: Good Minions Bad Minions Indifferent Minions Stupid Minions Pervasive

Takeaway: There Is No Such Thing As A Gift Of A Minion From The LORD For Such Things Are Not Desired By Him Because He Has Already Given Us The Ability To Choose Our Own Paths And We Must Do So With Great Care For Our Choices Have Consequences That Will Last Generations If Not Centuries

The Five Laws of Minions.

Straight from the Bible and the word of God, we present you with The Five Laws of Minions:

  • Minions are not allowed to talk.
  • Minions are not allowed to walk.
  • Minions are not allowed to eat.
  • Minions are not allowed to sleep.
  • Minions are not allowed to breathe

God Hates Minions.

God hates Minions.

In the Bible, there is a story about a guy named Joshua who led the Israelites into battle against the Amalekites. God gave Joshua clear instructions on how to defeat the Amalekites: “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Write this down for remembrance in a book and recite it in Joshua’s hearing. I will utterly blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.’ Moses built an altar and named it The Lord Is My Banner.” (Exodus 17:14-16). If you read further in Exodus, you will find out that after God told Moses to build an altar and name it The Lord Is My Banner, he then told him what to do with all those slain Amalekites: “But keep alive for yourselves all females born as first fruits among your livestock” (Exodus 18:15).

With this knowledge in mind, let’s now return back to our original statement: God hates Minions. You see, when you look at things from this perspective—from one where you understand that minions are little more than slaves—it becomes clear why God hates them so much! They must have been created by some other force because no god would create such worthless creatures!

Reasons Why God Hates Minions.

The Bible teaches that God hates Minions. The reason for this is because they are a burden to others. Minions are unruly, disobedient, rebellious and stubborn. A minion is like a bad habit that refuses to go away despite repeated efforts to stop it from happening every time you’re around your friends or family members. They’re also known as “the worst thing ever” because they have no respect for anyone’s feelings whatsoever, especially when it comes down to something important like love for example!

Minions are also considered a sign of rebellion against God himself since there’s nothing more annoying than having one constantly following you around when all you want is some peace and quiet without any distractions whatsoever!

The Law and Minions.

The Law and Minions. The law is clear, if a man has an unruly minion and will not regulate him, even after many strips, he shall huldah-huldah be judged for his unruly minion because he did not execute proper discipline on the minions.

A man’s duties are to teach his minions how to behave properly before God and with their fellow men; it is also his duty to correct them if they do wrong or fail in some way or another (Deuteronomy 25:4). This can be done with words or actions but must be done immediately! If your minion does something wrong don’t wait until later so you can scold them then; instead take care of it right away so as not to give them any chance of repeating the same mistake again later on down the road when they think no one’s looking and then again later down further still when someone else sees what happened but won’t say anything because maybe they don’t feel like getting involved themselves? Any time there is an infraction against God’s Word there should always be consequences meted out swiftly without delay because this helps prevent future lapses into sinfulness from happening again in the future just as well as helping lead those who may become weary travelers back onto safe ground so there’ll always be someone watching over them.”

All a Minion ever does is become a burden for others to carry.

As you can see from the verse, a Minion is a burden to their owners, friends and family. They are also a burden to their community and country. All this makes sense when you consider that Minions are completely useless for anything except licking boots.

God Would Rather We All Be Slain With A Sword Than Live With A Minion In Our Midst.

God hates minions. God hates you, too. You know what he’d rather see? You dead, with a sword in your hand, heading straight for him. Then he could say “I told you so”, but it would be too late.

The Bible is very clear on this: if we live with minions in our midst, God will slay all of us with a sword and then look down upon the carnage and laugh at how silly we are for not listening to his commands.

A Prophet Of The LORD Was Sent To Kill Two Little Children Because Their Father Refused To Give Them Up To The LORD As Minions.

The children were sent to the prophet by their father, who had been told by the LORD to give them up as minions. The prophet did not want to kill these children and tried to talk him out of it, but he was sent by God and had no choice. He reluctantly killed them both with an ax because they were too young and small for him to lift into his arms while running away from their parents in order to protect himself from being attacked by them if they wanted revenge against him.

If a Man Has An Unruly Minion And Will Not Regulate Him, Even After Many Strips, He Shall Huldah-huldah Be Judged For His Unruly Minion Because He Did Not Execute Proper Discipline On The Minions.

God is a loving God. His mercy endures forever, and He will not forget the covenant He made with you, O Israel! To those who are good in their hearts He gives rain from heaven; to those who are bad in their hearts He sends drought on purpose. The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; though he may stumble, he will not fall because the LORD upholds him with his hand.

God is a righteous God—He does not show favoritism or partiality. For all have sinned and fall short of perfection… But then there’s also this verse:

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses (Matthew 6:14).

If A Woman Has A Stiff-necked, Rebellious Minion, And Will Not Obey Her Owner’s Voice, Nor Fulfill Her Duty, Then Her Owner Shall Bring Her To The Judges, And They Shall Punish That Woman With Many Stripes But One Strike Shall Not Pass Through Upon That Minion.

God owns us. There is no one else in the world who can claim this, because we are all His creation. He has a plan for each of us, which includes our role as a minion. His plan is for every man and woman to be happy, free and healthy; so that they can do what they were created to do: enjoy life with their families and friends in harmony with their neighbors.

These are the five laws of minions, and God hates them. If you have a minion that is causing you to sin, God would rather you be slain with a sword than live with that minion in your midst. The Law states clearly that if a man does not regulate his unruly minion and punish him for his disobedience then he will be judged for not executing proper discipline on the minions who are under his ownership (Deuteronomy 25:2).